New Feelings, Preparing for Lent, and Learning How to Write Again — The past week has been rough. I’m tired all the time. I have no motivation for the things I once thought I loved. I do still love them: writing, making art, etc. But it feels different. The will is slower now. The main thing that drives me now is boredom…

Three kinds of satisfaction and the biggest disappointment about my job. — For me, going to work is like going to a party. I dress up. I greet the elite (Steve, the main manager). I walk in there and start talking to customers. Other duties include filling up tubs of bulk honey or sorting out the beverages in the cooler. And, my…

A Poetic Vignette Black zippered chelseas stepping through a puddle. Dusk and stealing a moment outside the apartment. Grey sky like all day. A heavy mist is falling over this godforsaken place. Three rights, a left, and two more rights. Someone turned their empty pack of Green 100s into litter…

Until recently, I faced crippling loneliness. I didn’t choose the best coping mechanisms. I chose to sleep a lot and take a lot of caffeine and nicotine when I was awake. These things might seem relatively harmless, but I took them to extremes, doubtless. I’m sitting here on my couch…

A Poem by Josh Gillard — Taking what isn’t yours. Squandering the health of a body. Gilded lies without remorse. I wonder how we got this far leaving nothing to be proud of and much to regret. Wanting too much, wanting more than enough. Life on earth is sand in the hourglass. I’d like to say…

A Prose Poem by Josh Gillard — Driving. Radio off. The world literally passing by while I plan for the hereafter. That is, once I am out of this vehicle. Action will once again be mine. Tonight, tomorrow, the weekend, is open. Like a balloon set free, the thoughts separate from circumstance, my material being: I am…

A Poem by Josh Gillard — Afraid to be what I am I climb into normality like a well-worn suit. Spoken without care, simple words betray, both you and my self. Unknown fears, fears unknown — I do not know the outsider. Cult from culture; tempted desperately to follow nothing. *** Walking alone is hard by default…

A Poem by Josh Gillard — Evening — a shimmer of descending. Lying in bed at night, I think of what I’ll do tomorrow. Waking dreams — a colossal challenge, a concerted effort over years, a meditation on the future. I do not write down the plans. …

A Poem by Josh Gillard — Tired of my one friend I block his number. And right on time, he calls. It does not go through but he leaves a voicemail somehow. It has been a week. He scares me to death the way priests scare. I cannot hear his words right. Fraught with excess meaning, they bubble…